Promises Made and Broken
by stupid is as stupid does
Summary: Leah never wanted to let Sam in. But then she did and he ended up breaking her heart. This is my attempt at telling their story, from the very beginning to the very end.


Promises Made and Broken

_Honestly, I am not the biggest Twilight fan. It's just that Sam and Leah's story just didn't let go off me again and I just had to try to tell it...I probably didn't do it any justice. Anyways, enjoy :D_

__**1. Burning Marshmallows**

The first time I saw him – I mean really saw him – was at a bonfire when I was sixteen. My cousin, Emily, had just moved away from the reservation after my aunt had remarried and so I was all alone. Emily had always been my best friend – and, to be completely honest, my only friend. People tend to find me…abrasive, to say the least.

And so I was surprised when he took a seat next to me, roasting a marshmallow. He didn't speak to me and just looked at me before glancing away again.

"I'm Samuel," he said, finally breaking the silence, "But my friends call me Sam. Or, rather, everyone calls me Sam." His black eyes seemed to flit around nervously and I couldn't help but smile a little. I didn't bother telling him that just because he didn't know me didn't mean that I didn't know exactly who he was: Sam Uley, the son of Joshua and Allison Uley, grandson of Levy Uley. He was the only son of one of the oldest families on the reservation and guaranteed a spot on the council of elders – especially since his father had left the reservation years ago. And so it was no surprise that I – along with all the other teenagers at the reservation – knew his name.

"Aren't you going to tell me your name?" the boy pulled me out of my thoughts. I smiled at him and then glanced over his shoulder to where his friends were watching his every move.

"Your marshmallow's on fire," I said, standing up as Sam scrambled to put out the marshmallow.

And I figured that'd be that. I'd grown up on the reservation with Sam and still I had never exchanged more than a passing greeting with him and I had never thought I'd have a reason to change that.

But then, less than a week later, I saw him again. I was walking down along the beach, kicking rocks and missing Emily when I saw him in the distance, approaching me rapidly. He was jogging with his dog and came to a stop when he saw me, grinning broadly.

"Hello, Leah," he greeted me, raising a hand to protect his eyes from the sun.

"So you've bothered to learn my name after all," I said, without looking at him. Instead, I petted the dog and looked out at the ocean.

"Leah Clearwater," the boy elaborated, "You're Harry and Sue's oldest child. You have a younger brother, Seth."

"Congratulations, you've managed to find out what everyone at the reservation could have told you," I said as I stopped petting the dog and looked up at Sam, "Well, I should get going."

Sam watched me walk away for a moment before he started to jog after me, "Hold on," he said, "Don't you want to know what else I found out?"

"Not particularly," I replied, continuing to walk away from Sam briskly.

"Well, that's too bad," I could hear his grin even though I didn't turn around to look at him, "I hear you love monster movies."

I stopped short, causing Sam to bump into me and both of us tumbled and fell. "Great," I grumbled, because I didn't want to admit how surprised I was that Sam had found that out about me, "Now I'm all sandy."

"Well," Sam grinned down at me as he got up and patted down his pants before offering me a hand, "Let me make it up to you. Watch the monster movie marathon with me."

"The one on channel six?" I asked, eyes widening as I stood up, conveniently ignoring the proffered hand, "You're not watching football tonight?"

Sam shook his head, watching me closely, "So, what do you say?"

"Do you have popcorn?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course, what do you take me for?" the boy hesitated for a moment, "So?" he repeated.

I hesitated for a moment before I nodded abruptly and continued on my way.

"Great," Sam shouted after me, "It's a date. I'll pick you up at six."

I turned around and grinned at him, "I can get there myself," I replied, "You just make sure there's popcorn."

And so I found myself sitting on the sofa chair before the television watching monster movies that night.

"You're sure you don't want to sit on the sofa?" Sam asked for the umpteenth time, "You look really uncomfortable over there."

"I'm fine," I replied again, "Just pass the popcorn."

"If you were sitting on the sofa you could just reach over and grab some yourself," Sam replied.

I looked at the lumpy sofa critically before I nodded and took a seat next to Sam on the couch. I glanced over at him but he ignored me and kept his eyes focused on the screen before him and I couldn't help but grin as I reached into the bowl and took a handful out as the werewolf on the screen mauled a girl whose ear piercing screams were about to give me a brain aneurism.

I grinned as the obviously rather fake blood covered the entire screen and turned towards Sam to complain only to find him grinning at me.

"What?" I asked.

"I've never seen a girl grin during a bloody scene like this," he replied.

"Well, I'm not your average girl," I replied, grabbing another handful of popcorn, "Now shut up and watch the movie. We've missed most of the mauling."

Sam just grinned and nodded, "Yes, ma'am."

Sometime between the werewolf attacks and axe murderers I fell asleep. I don't know how long exactly I was asleep but I was woken up by a flash. When I blinked tiredly I found myself looking at Allison Uley who was holding a camera.

"Sorry," she grinned, "You kids looked so cute all curled up and asleep."

I blushed as I realized that what I had assumed to be my pillow was in reality Sam's chest and that his arm was curled protectively around my shoulder.

"What time is it?" I whispered as I tried to disentangle myself without waking Sam.

"A little after midnight," the woman replied.

"My parents will kill me," I said, jumping up. As I did so, Sam nearly fell off the couch. I had already put on my sneakers and was just pulling on my jacket when Sam walked towards me.

"Do you want me to walk you home?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes, "I'm a big girl, Sam," I replied, "It's not far."

Sam nodded, "Very well."

I turned to leave before I reconsidered and turned around in the door and walked back towards Sam, "I had fun tonight, Samuel Uley," I said, kissing his cheek, "And, for the record, I knew who you were even before you introduced yourself."

And with that I walked back home. I was halfway down the street when I glanced back to see Sam still standing in the door, his eyes following me and his hand raised to his cheek – to where I had pecked him.

I couldn't help but grin widely and there might have been a skip in my step as I made my way home even though I knew that my parents would not be happy with me.

**2. Holding Hands and Jumping**

I was dreaming. I knew I was dreaming because of this warm feeling that you can only get when you're dreaming – that feeling of pure happiness, undeterred by anything else.

And then I heard it, like I do every morning. Reality somehow seeps into my dream and pulls me out of that perfect state. Mostly it's the sound of the shower turning on as my mother returns from her nightshift at the hospital or of my brother – the early riser – stomping around the house. Sometimes, seldom, it was even my father who woke me with his movement. However, my father liked to sleep in just as much as my brother didn't and so I was mostly awake before he began to move.

That particular morning, however, the sound that pulled me from my dreams wasn't the sound of the house waking up. It was quiet, like hail hitting glass. Except that it was summer so it couldn't be hail. For a moment I tried to find my way back into my dream but the sound-that-wasn't-hail had woken me already and I knew from experience that I wouldn't get back into my dream anyways.

So I sighed, threw off my covers and was about to walk over to the closet when I heard the sound again. And this time I realized that the sound came from my window. I hesitated for a moment when it came again. Someone was throwing pebbles at my window.

"What the hell are you doing?" I shouted as I yanked the window open only to find Sam standing beneath it, his arm poised to throw another pebble.

"I have it on good authority that yesterday was the last day of your grounding." The boy said, grinning.

"So you thought you'd come here at dawn?" I asked, "And do what, exactly?"

"And convince you to come to the rock with me." Sam replied, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Last time we spent time together I ended up being grounded for two weeks," I reminded Sam, "What makes you think I'd risk that again?" I asked but I couldn't keep the smile off my face. I just hoped that Sam wouldn't be able to see it.

"Well, what else are you going to do?" he asked.

I looked at the boy for a moment before I nodded, "Fine. I'll see you there."

"I can wait," Sam replied, "We'll walk there together."

I nodded and finally changed out of my pajamas. "I'm going out," I shouted to my mother in passing.

"What about breakfast?" the woman asked, "You know that it's the most important meal of the day."

I looked at her for a moment before I grabbed a piece of toast and pressed a kiss onto her cheek, "Once a nurse always a nurse, huh mom?"

The woman just grinned and said something I didn't hear as I was already out the door and promptly bumped into Sam.

"Eager, are we?" he asked, grinning.

I just grinned back and took a bite of toast, "Well?" I asked, "What are you waiting for? Let's go."

We walked side by side in silence, our hands bumping occasionally. And every time they did, I could feel my grin grow a little. And then Sam grabbed my hand and held it as we walked along the beach towards the rock.

"Is that okay?" he asked.

"Why wouldn't it be?" I asked.

Sam just shrugged and then he let go as we approached the rock where his friends were already dressed in their trunks.

"You brought a girl?" Paul, one of the older boys, exclaimed as soon as he saw me, "Wicked."

"Yeah," Sam rubbed the back of his neck, "That's Leah Clearwater. Leah, these are the guys."

I just nodded as I stepped towards the edge of the cliff and looked down, "So, are we jumping or what?" I asked. Emily had always been too cautious to jump and I had never wanted to jump on my own. The boys just laughed and, one by one, they jumped in.

I looked downwards as they hit the water, laughing loudly. And suddenly Sam was standing behind me, "Don't worry, we've done this hundreds of times," he said, "Nothing's ever happened – not with these currents, anyways."

"I know," I nodded, unwilling to admit that I was a little scared even though I'd watched them before.

"Come on," Sam said, holding out his hand. I smirked and grabbed his hand before jumping.

That first moment, when I fell, Sam beside me, I felt free. It was almost the same gravity free feeling I'd experienced during my dream – the same happiness seemed to fill me up. And then we were in the water, submerged. There was nothing but me and Sam and our linked hands.

Until we came up, gasping for air and laughing while Sam's friends made fun of him for holding my hand. And I just lay on my back, drifting off a little. Until we got out of the water and we jumped again. I reached for Sam's hand once more – not because I couldn't jump alone but because I didn't want to.

And Sam smiled at me in a way that made his whole face light up.

That afternoon, as I was lying on my towel and watched as the boys played volleyball in the sand I caught him glancing at me time and again and I couldn't help but smile back at him.

When he dropped me off at my house, he pressed a kiss to my cheek and I found myself slightly disappointed that he hadn't kissed me for real.

But then I saw the way he smiled at me and I forgot all about feeling disappointed. Instead I gave him my phone number and watched him walk off.

**3. Naming Leah**

"I have to confess – I knew your name all along. I just figured it'd be a good way to start a conversation." Sam said as we sat next to each other on the rock, our feet dangling downwards and our shoulders gently touching. Night was falling and the boys were building a bonfire down at the beach.

I snorted, "Brilliant, Sam, really. And what would the next step have been?"

"I don't know," he shrugged, "I could have made up a nickname for you."

"Like what? Sweetums?"

"Muffin." Sam replied, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"Honey Pie," I offered.

"Lee-Lee," Sam said, and suddenly he wasn't grinning anymore. Instead a serene smile was playing with his lips, "Yes, I think I'll call you that from now on: Lee-Lee."

"You wouldn't dare," I smiled back – but I had to admit that I didn't really care. The thought was actually quite nice that he'd have his own special nickname just for me.

"We should get down there," he nodded towards the bonfire. I could see the boys passing a bottle around – a bottle which I assumed contained alcohol of some sort.

"Later," I said, leaning backwards and looking at the sun which was just setting over the ocean.

I could feel Sam looking at me and so I glanced up at him, "What is it?" I asked.

"Nothing," he shrugged and looked away and so I returned my gaze to the sunset. A minute later, I could feel his gaze back on me.

"Spit it out already, Sam," I said, glaring at the boy, "You've wanted to say something for days now."

"Will you go out on a date with me?" he asked.

I sat up and looked at him curiously, "I thought that's what I was doing." I said, frowning.

"I mean a real date. Movie and a Pizza." He grinned, "And a goodnight kiss."

It might have just been the sun setting but his cheeks seemed to flame red as he said that and I couldn't help but giggle.

"Did you just giggle?" Sam asked, astonished, "You do realize that you're Leah Clearwater."

I hit his arm, "You're one to talk, Sam Uley, you just blushed."

He looked at me, "Let's not ever tell anyone about that – ever."

"Deal," I said, holding out my pinky for him to shake.

"You're making me pinky promise?" the boy asked.

"I have a reputation to protect," I replied, "I can't have anyone know I giggled like a schoolgirl –"

"You are a schoolgirl," Sam interrupted but I just glared at him and continued.

"–And a pinky promise is the most sacred of all promises." I finished.

Sam sighed and hooked his pinky with mine, "I promise." He intoned and so I jumped up and made my way down the cliff to the beach.

"What about that date?" Sam shouted as he ran down after me.

"If you catch me I'll go on that date with you," I said as I started to run.

Sam caught me – of course he did, I hadn't expected anything else – and tackled me. Together, we tumbled onto the sand.

"So, Lee-Lee, does that mean you'll go on a date with me?" he asked.

"A date?" I asked, grinning, "What did you have in mind?"

"Pizza and a movie," Sam replied.

"And a goodnight kiss?" I asked.

"And that, too," he confirmed, his breath tickling my cheek.

"You know, Sam, I don't need a date."

"I know you don't. I just…"

"I mean I don't need a date for you to give me a goodnight kiss," I interrupted, grinning.

"Really?" he asked, "What are you? Some kind of a scarlet woman?"

I just shook my head, "You're an idiot, Sam Uley. Here I am offering to let you kiss me and you call me a slut?"

Sam just grinned down at me. I was just about to shout at him some more when he lowered his mouth to mine and kissed me.

He didn't stop kissing me until we had to come up for air. It was only then that we noticed that everyone was standing in a circle around us, watching us.

I blushed scarlet as the boys wolf whistled and slapped Sam on the back while I slunk backwards out of the circle. And still, from within the circle of his friends Sam's eyes searched out mine and he winked before turning back towards his friends.

And then, much later that night, when the elders began to talk about the legends of the Quileute, like they did every time we gathered together, Sam found a seat next to me.

"Here," he said, handing me his jacket, "Otherwise you'll turn into a cold one yourself."

"And what about you?"

"I'll be fine," Sam grinned at me and so I draped the jacket over my shoulders and pulled it tight around myself. It smelled of Sam – that mixture of saltwater and wood that I had come to associate with the boy.

He watched me as I leaned back against the tree behind me and closed my eyes. The warmth of the fire, the constant lull of the elder's voice and the smell of Sam's jacket lulled me into a peaceful state and soon I was almost asleep. Until Sam nudged me, that is.

I opened my eyes and glared at him, "What?" I whispered harshly.

"You should pay attention when the elders speak." Sam said, a cheeky grin adorning his features.

"I know these stories. I could tell them just as well as the elders can," I replied, rolling my eyes, "And don't pretend like you're listening."

Sam's grin just widened and he scooted closer towards me, slinging an arm around my shoulder.

"I'm not," he admitted, "I'm thinking about our date. And about the goodnight kiss I still plan on giving you tonight."

I didn't say anything – I just averted my face so Sam wouldn't see the smile that was threatening to split my face.

**4. Surviving Barbeques**

"So," Sam said, "What are the chances that I'll survive tonight?" He tried to make the question sound offhand but I could tell by the way he studiously avoided my eyes and instead looked out at the ocean that he was really interested in the answer.

"That depends," I grinned, "What do you know about football?"

"That there's a ball and that you have to throw it?" Sam replied.

"Seriously?" I asked, surprised, "That's all you know? Even I know more than you and I'm a girl."

"Well, my father left before he could teach me," Sam tried to shrug it off but I could see that it bothered him and so I tried my best to change the topic.

"Well, if you don't know anything about football, what about ballroom dancing?"

"Ballroom dancing?"

"Well, it's my mom's latest phase. Before that it was painting. And before that singing." I grinned, "I prefer ball room dancing. At least that way she only harms my dad's toes instead of the entire family's eardrums."

"She can't have been that bad," Sam laughed.

"Why do you think Billy always makes her play the drums at the bonfire?" I asked.

Sam just shook his head, "I don't know. I never really thought about it."

"Anyways, they just want to meet you. And it's not like you haven't met them before."

"So why does it feel like my hours are numbered?" Sam asked,

"You're exaggerating."

"Well, yes, but your parents want to meet me."

"And I told them not to hurt you too badly because you are Samuel Uley – but your friends call you Sam. And I am one of these friends…With the sole exception that we've gone on a couple of dates."

"And what did they say?"

"Well, my mom said that that was absolute bullshit." I grinned, "She said that seven dates does not constitute a couple."

"You want me to believe that Sue Clearwater said bullshit?"

"Well, I might be paraphrasing a little," I replied as Sam chuckled.

"And Harry?" he asked.

"He wanted to know whether you'll eat one burger or two," I shrugged.

"And what did you say?"

"I said that you'd eat three."

"Great," the boy scoffed, "And now my girlfriend's father thinks I'm greedy while her mother thinks I'm either commitment phobic or a player."

I looked up at him, surprised, "I'm your girlfriend?" I asked.

"Well…" Sam hesitated, "I thought…"

I smiled but shook my head, "Oh no, Sam Uley, you won't get off that easily. If you want me to be your girlfriend you have to ask me properly."

"And what's the proper way?" Sam asked, a teasing smile playing with his lips.

"You figure it out," I said, jumping up, "I have to get home and help my mom."

"Lee-Lee," Sam called out after me.

"What?" I asked, whirling around.

"You do realize that you're not getting out of this, right? It might take me a couple of attempts but you will agree to be my girlfriend."

"And why would I do that?" I asked, pulling up an eyebrow.

"Because, Lee-Lee, you want me in your life."

I just grinned, "Keep on dreaming, Uley," I shouted over my shoulder.

That evening, as I was sitting in our backyard between Seth and Sam while my dad was flipping burgers on the grill and my mom was asking Sam about his plans after high school, Sam squeezed my fingers under the table as he searched for the right way to tell my mom that he was taking a gap year because he couldn't afford college I realized that he was right – I wanted him in my life.

"So, Sam," My father said, bringing the burgers over to the table, "What are your intentions with my daughter?"

"Harry," My mother's glare would have made anyone back down – anyone but my father. Mom had once said that she'd married him because he was the only one who wasn't intimidated by her glare.

"What?" Harry asked, "I think I have the right to ask."

"Dad, if you don't stop harassing my boyfriend I won't bring him by for dinner anymore. And then who will eat your burnt burgers?"

"I won't," Seth interjected just as Sam turned to face me, a bright smile on his face.

"What?" I asked, glaring at him, "Don't stare at me, eat your burger."

Sam just nodded and returned to his burger but the smile didn't leave his face all night long. As a matter of fact, it even grew as my mother admonished me, "You shouldn't order him around like that, sweetheart, you're not married yet – he can still leave you."

"Unlike me, you mean," my father interjected, "I'm stuck with you for life."

"If you're lucky," my mother said, laughing as she got up to grab another plate from the kitchen, "If I die before you I fully plan to come back to haunt you. And you remember our deal, right?"

"Yes, Sue, you die before me." He turned towards us, even though at least Seth and I'd heard the story a thousand times, "That's what I had to agree to in order to get her to marry me. I had to promise that I'd let her die first."

"And that's totally not morbid at all, dad," I said, rolling my eyes.

"I think it's nice," Sam interjected.

"What are you, a girl?" I asked.

"No, but you are," Sam replied, grinning.

"And here I was thinking I was a boy."

"Oh, shut up, Lee-Lee."

"You're sure I'm a girl?" I asked, "I mean, you always seemed a little gay to me…"

I jumped up as Sam exclaimed in indignation and started to chase me around the garden as my father laughed, "You two remind me of Sue and myself when we were your age."

"Dad, you didn't even know mom back then," Seth interjected.

"Sure I did. I knew her in my soul."

"And your souls were prancing around in your parent's backyard?" I asked, skeptically.

"Oh, our souls did much more than that in our parent's backyard," dad grinned, "Or wait, that was later. And it wasn't just our souls."

It took me a moment to get what he was saying before I scrunched up my nose, "There are things a daughter does not need to know about her parents," I said.

"What? We were planting trees, of course," my dad said, "Though, of course, the two of you will be married before you plant trees, right Samuel Uley?"

"Sam, don't say anything. Dad, that's none of your business. If we wanted to, we could start planting trees right now. We could plant several trees a day."

"Trees?" My mom asked, returning from the kitchen with a cake, "If there is one thing we don't need more of in this reservation its trees."

"See, even your mom agrees with me and she has no idea what she's talking about."

That evening, as Sam said goodbye to me on the porch he grinned broadly, "What do you want to bet that your parents are watching our every move through the kitchen window?" He asked.

I turned around and just caught the curtain waving in the non-existent breeze, "I think that'd be a safe bet." I replied.

"So," Sam said, drawing the word out, "I thought I had some more groveling to do before you agreed to be my girlfriend."

"So did I," I replied, "Turns out I was wrong."

"Can you repeat that?" Sam asked, "My mind must be playing tricks on me. I think I just heard Leah Clearwater admit that she was wrong."

"Sorry, no can do," I kissed his cheek, "And if you ever tell anyone, Samuel Uley, I know where you live."

Sam grinned, "Don't worry, I won't. I'll even pinky promise."

**5. Loving Accidentally**

"I can't believe that the summer is over already," I said, lying on my back and watching the clouds pass by above my head.

"I know," Sam agreed, his fingers intertwining with mine as he lay next to me, "I wish this summer could go on forever. Swimming in the ocean, the bonfires, watching movies…it can't get much better than this."

I grinned but didn't say anything because I agreed with him. I had been so sure that this would be the worst summer of my life, with Emily gone, but it wasn't that bad. After all, I had Sam now.

"So, what will we do on this last day of summer?" Sam asked, sitting up, "We can't waste it by just lying about."

"Of course we can." I contradicted the boy and closed my eyes, enjoying the last rays of sun as they warmed up my entire face.

Until a shadow fell over my face and I didn't even have to open my eyes to realize what – or rather who – was blocking my sun.

"Sam, as much as I love you, if you don't get out of my sun you'll live to regret it."

There was a silence as both Sam and I realized what I'd just said. And then I opened my eyes and sat up quickly, blinking at Sam a little dizzy from sitting up so abruptly.

"It's alright," Sam said, putting a hand on my arm, "You can take it back."

I looked at Sam for a moment before I remembered that day when he'd held my hand and jumped off the cliff with me and I shook my head, "No," I said.

"No?" Sam asked.

"No," I confirmed, nodding. I was sure of this, "I do – love you, I mean."

"You love me." Sam said, "I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything," I said, standing up, "I don't know what came over me. I just know that I love you. Now, what were you saying about not wasting this day?"

And we tried our best to pretend that nothing had happened. We went fishing and we jumped off the rock one last time that summer and we even went for a hike in the wood.

That night, as we were sitting at the last bonfire of the summer for the first time, our shoulders weren't touching – as a matter of fact, we were paying more attention to not accidentally brush up against each other that we didn't do anything else.

And then, later, when he dropped me off at my house he just pressed a kiss to my cheek and was about to leave when I called out after him.

"I ruined it, didn't I?" I asked, "I shouldn't have said anything. Me and my big mouth…if you never want to see me again I understand. I mean, it'd be difficult at the reservation but I'll turn and walk the other way whenever I see you…"

"Don't you dare, Lee-Lee," Sam was up the stairs again, "I just…you surprised me. I never thought that you'd be the one to say it first. And especially not after just one summer."

I smiled and nodded, "I was surprised, too," I admitted, "I mean, honestly, I'm just sixteen. What do I know about love?"

"Then why did you say it?" Sam asked.

"Because I meant it," I replied, "I said it because you held my hand as we jumped off that cliff. I said it because you got me to sit on the sofa with you. I said it because you didn't have to grovel to become my boyfriend," I shrugged, "You got under my skin, Sam Uley. And I might not be in love with you the way that my mother is in love with my father but I do love you."

Sam grinned as he kissed me – on the mouth this time. "I'm sorry if I've been awkward tonight."

"It wasn't just you," I replied, shrugging, "Does that mean you don't want me to pretend this summer never happened?"

"As if you could," Sam grinned, "After all you love me." I raised an eyebrow and Sam's grin grew even bigger, "And I love you."

"You don't have to say that just because I did."

"I'm not," Sam said, "I do love you and I want you in my life."

My mother, it turns out, had listened to our conversation and when I entered the kitchen after a thorough kiss, she grinned at me, "Ah," she said, "Fledgling love."

"Mom," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Oh, come on Leah that was cute."

"We're not cute." I said, placing a hand on my hip.

My mother sighed and nodded, "Leah, don't fall too fast. He's Sam Uley."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"Just be careful, Leah, he's a good boy but he is a boy nonetheless. He doesn't know what he wants yet."

I looked at my mother with wide eyes, "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you're young. You still have time. Don't fall for him too early. And don't fall for him unless you're sure he feels the same."

"What if it's already too late for that?" I asked.

"Then I'm happy for you," my mother said, hugging me, "I can't believe my daughter is in love for the first time."

I smiled as I hugged my mother back.

"He's good for you," she whispered in my ear, "He makes you smile more."

**6. Planting Crooked Trees**

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked, leaning against the counter, my arms crossed over my chest, "You do know that I won't really leave you if chicken out."

"I would never," Sam replied, pulling his shirt over his chest and throwing it to me. I caught it deftly and rolled my eyes.

"Well, if you're sure."

"I am sure. I asked you what you wanted for our one year anniversary and you're getting it."

"It was a joke," I replied, "Just a joke."

Sam looked at me for a long moment before he nodded, "It started out that way. Now, however, it's my profession of love."

"Ah," I said, nodding, "And nothing says love better than a big, bad wolf, right?"

"Exactly," Sam grinned, "A big, bad wolf."

In the end, I was the one who chickened out. While Sam was lying on the table, watching as the needles perforated his skin again and again and as he kept wincing, ever so slightly, whenever the tattoo artist expanded the tattoo.

"You don't have to watch," Sam finally said when I nearly broke his hand by squeezing too tightly.

"Are you sure?" I asked, "I mean it's my gift after all."

Sam just grinned, "Go before you break every single bone in my hand."

I just nodded and left the room, feeling a little guilty and a lot relieved. When Sam came out, his tattoo covered with a bandage he was grinning brightly.

"It's good to see you acting like a girl sometimes." He said, "Squeamish as her man is being stabbed by needles."

"So you're a man now?" I asked, raising an eyebrow, "I'll have to remember that next time you ask me to save you from a spider."

"That was once," Sam defended himself as he slung an arm around my hips and pulled me closer, "So, what will we do this summer?"

"Can you believe it's been a year already?" I asked, "It's passed so incredibly quickly."

Sam just laughed, "That's what happens when you're having fun."

"Is that what we're doing?" I asked, "Having fun?"

"Well, I am having fun," Sam shrugged.

"So that's all this is to you?" I asked, "Fun?"

"I just got a tattoo for you," Sam reminded me, raising an eyebrow.

I nodded, and swallowed heavily.

"Lee-Lee, what is it?" he asked.

"Why haven't we…you know…planted trees yet?"

Sam looked at me and began to laugh.

"It's not funny." I said, suddenly angry, "You're so immature sometimes, Samuel Uley."

"I'm sorry, did you just call me immature?" Sam asked, "You just said planting trees. And that is the single worst euphemism I've ever heard."

"That's not the point," I said, shaking my head.

Sam looked at me for a long moment before he nodded, "It's not that I don't want to plant trees with you, Lee-Lee," he said, "I just want our first tree to be special."

"What's more special than our one year anniversary?" I asked.

Sam looked at me, "Are you sure that's what you want? Once you plant that tree you can't uproot it again."

I looked at Sam for a long while before I burst out laughing, "I think we've killed that metaphor," I said, before I turned serious again, "But yes, Sam, I am sure. I've been sure for a while now."

"Then there's nothing I would rather do," Sam replied, gently touching my cheek, "Than plant trees with you. We'll plant entire forests."

And then we both burst out laughing. But we did plant a tree that night – both literally and figuratively.

I won't get into detail about the figurative tree we planted. Just know that it was awkward and a little painful and not at all as romantic as I had imagined it. But Sam was kind and patient and promised that it would get better – and it did.

The literal tree we planted by the rock, where we'd spent hours the summer before. "When we're old and grey," Sam whispered, "Then this tree will be big and strong. And we'll sit in the shade and let our feet dangle and watch the sunset together and remember this day."

"You promise?" I asked, "You promise we'll be together when we're old and grey?"

"Where else would I be?" Sam asked, grinning, "It's not like I'll ever let you get away. You're my Lee-Lee after all."

I grinned, "We should make this our tradition," I said as I looked at the tree we'd planted, "We should come back every year."

"We will," Sam grinned even as I eyed our tree much more critically than before.

"I doubt the tree will take root here. The ground's too hard and salty – and the tree is a little crooked."

Sam just tilted his head and smirked, "Now the tree's straight."

"And you're crooked," I replied, grinning.

"The tree will grow," Sam said with a certainty that had me convinced.

**7. Grieving Alone Together**

I kept my distance as I watched Sam carry the coffin. Sam, Billy, Quil and my dad carried the coffin up the hill towards our cemetery on the reservation. Sam was the official representative of the Uley family now.

I glanced over at his mother, Allison, who was standing next to me, leaning heavily on my mother's shoulder, as the two women followed the coffin. I let myself drift further and further back as the rest of the reservation walked by without even glancing at me.

Everyone was whispering. They weren't here out of respect for the man whose funeral they were attending. They were here because he was an elder and they owed it to his blood line – and, maybe, because they owed it to Sam.

Well, everyone except for Allison. Allison was there because she still loved her husband. Her husband who had been found dead in the gutters of Seattle, after what the policed assumed was a robbery gone wrong. Her husband, who had left her and her son, Sam, years ago and never come back. And now the council of elders had paid to have his body transferred back to the reservation so he could be buried with his ancestors – an honor that many at the reservation felt he didn't deserve.

Not that anyone would ever speak up. After all, he was a Uley, he could have been an elder. So they just followed the coffin and wondered whether Sam would be admitted to the council now that he was the only one with Uley blood running in his veins – if one didn't count Embry, which no one did.

I didn't wonder. I didn't care. The only thing I cared about was that Sam hadn't been the same since Charlie, the chief of police, had informed him of his father's passing a week ago.

Ever since we'd been together, he'd always been the strong one, the one who always knew what to say and what to do and the one who pulled me out of my shell. And now it was Sam who had retreated into his shell and I didn't know what to do. And so I did the only thing I could do: I watched and kept my distance.

That evening, as the elders lit the bonfire to share stories about Joshua Uley, Sam didn't sit down next to me. Instead, he chose a seat on the other side of the fire, as far away from everyone else as possible.

"How is he?" my mother asked as she saw me watching him.

"I don't know. He won't talk to me."

"Have you tried talking to him?"

"How?" I asked, "He doesn't seem to have a lot to say."

"I think he does," my mother replied, "I think he might just need the right set of ears to listen to what he has to say.

She was wrong. He didn't want to talk. When I approached him, he looked up at me with eyes that seemed to ask me what the hell I was thinking.

"Hi," I said as I took a seat next to him but Sam just turned away.

"I don't want to talk, not today."

I nodded, "We don't need to talk." I said.

"I just want to be alone," Sam said, still not looking at me, "Please leave."

I nodded and did as I was asked.

And so I stayed away. When I tried to talk to him the following day, his mother turned me away. She was adamant that Sam didn't want to see anyone – not even me. And so I tried to continue with my life as best as I could.

I would see Sam around sometimes, with Paul and the others. Sometimes I even saw him laughing but whenever he saw me, he just turned around and pretended that I wasn't there.

And then one night he stood before our door. For the longest time he just stood there.

"Can I come in?" he finally asked.

"No," I shook my head as I stepped outside and pulled the door shut behind myself. I took a seat on the porch step and gestured for Sam to do the same.

But he didn't, he just leaned against the railing and looked at me strangely, "I've been going through some things."

"I know," I nodded.

"I lost sight of things." Sam didn't look at me as he spoke, "I really am sorry."

I just nodded again.

"You do realize that it's been two months since we last spoke, don't you?" I asked, when I realized that Sam wasn't going to talk to me again, "You realize that I was worried about you, that I came to see you every single day. That your mom just kept turning me away."

"Yes," Sam nodded, "I watched you. I saw you come every day and I heard you beg my mom and I watched you leave again."

"And you didn't say anything?" I asked.

"Not until you didn't come any more." Sam finally looked at me, "Not until you'd given up on me, too, did I realize that I was on my way to becoming my father."

"I didn't give up on you, you know," I said, interrupting Sam, "And you could never be your father."

Sam shrugged, "I abandoned you, didn't I? I couldn't deal with things and so I shut down and pulled back."

"Your father's death is hardly a thing, Sam. I don't know how I'd react if my dad died…" I hesitated, "I'd be devastated, Sam, I don't think I could breathe."

"But that's the thing," Sam's voice caught in his throat, "I could breathe. I didn't know him. I am a monster, Leah, I couldn't even mourn my father properly."

"You didn't know your father," I tried to reassure Sam, "You only know that he left you. What is there to mourn?"

"I am only sad for myself, Leah. I regret that he wasn't the father I wanted. What sort of a person does that make me?"

"It makes you human, Sam."

"I didn't think about how I would hurt you. And when I did think about it I just didn't care, Leah. I am so sorry."

I reached out a hand and when Sam took it I pulled him down beside me. "I'm sorry," he whispered again.

I just smiled as I pulled him close – and I smiled even broader when his arm inched around my waist of its own accord and hugged me tight to his body.

"I love you, Leah."

"I know and I love you, too." I hesitated for a moment, "But Sam, if you ever do that to me again…"

"I won't." Sam said, "I promise I won't."

**8. Moving Walls**

"Oh, Sam, it's perfect," I said, whirling around on my heels.

"You think so?" he asked from where he was sitting on his mattress on the floor – the only furniture in the entire room.

"Yes, I think so." I replied, falling down on the mattress next to him, "It's so…you."

"There's work to be done," he said, "What color do you think I should paint the walls?"

"You're asking me?" I asked, "I distinctly remember you telling me that my tastes were worse than my mother's singing."

"I did not say that," Sam laughed, "Though I have to say I'm thankful that I survived the last caroling season with my hearing still intact."

I couldn't help it, I just laughed out loud.

"Oh, Sam," I grabbed his hand and pulled him over me as I slowly lowered myself onto the mattress. He hovered above me for a moment before he grinned and began to kiss me fervently. Soon our clothes were discarded in a frenzy of passion.

Afterwards, I rested my chin on his chest while he ran a hand through my hair. I traced the tattoo on his chest with my finger, causing him to squirm a little, "That tickles, Lee-Lee."

"Oh, suck it up," I replied, "It's my tattoo and I get to touch it whenever I want to."

"You can touch me whenever you want to," Sam replied, "We can even plant trees together."

"Why did you pick me?" I asked, suddenly, "That night at the bonfire, why did you come talk to me?"

For a time I thought that Sam wouldn't answer but then he just shrugged, "Because you were alone."

"So it was pity?"

"No," Sam shook his head, "You were alone and you didn't seem to mind it. And I figured someone had to bring down your walls – and why couldn't it be me? After all, I was all alone, too."

"You've never been alone in your life, Sam Uley."

"Maybe not physically, no, but I can't remember my father and my mother…well…" he trailed off, shrugging. I knew what that shrug meant. Allison was an alcoholic, she had been one ever since Sam's father had left her. It was common knowledge at the reservation and yet no one spoke about it. Just like they didn't speak about the fact that Embry was Sam's half-brother.

"And so I've had to grow up faster than all my friends," Sam shrugged, "And that made me different from the others…and alone."

I smiled as I let my finger trace his tattoo, the wolf on his chest seemed to move with every breath he took, varying between looking menacing and calm.

"Well," I said, kissing the wolf's nose, "You've done it."

"Done what?" Sam asked, confused.

"You've brought down my walls." I smiled.

"Well, I'd hope so," he said, laughing his deep laugh that seemed to vibrate through every cell of his body. "Speaking of walls, what color?" he asked.

"Purple," I replied, "A happy color. The weather's foggy often enough – something needs to be bright."

Sam frowned slightly and I couldn't help but laugh out loud, "Oh, is purple offensive to your manliness?" I asked.

"No," Sam shook his head as he got up and slipped his pants on, "If I paint the walls purple will you move in with me?"

"Move in with you?" I asked, looking at him critically from where I was lying on the mattress while he grinned at me from where he was standing in the middle of the room, "Are you sure?"

"Who else would I share my kingdom with?" Sam asked, gesturing around.

"You're serious?" I asked, "Or is this another one of your jokes?"

Sam stood up and walked over to his duffel bag which was lying on the floor, "I wanted to do this tomorrow, after your graduation ceremony," he said, "But I figure now is as good a time as any."

He threw me a package which I caught carefully. It was a small black box and, as I opened it I found myself staring at a key.

"That's a key," I said, "You really are serious."

"Way to state the obvious," Sam said, as he took a seat before me, "So, what do you say, move in with me?"

"Here?" I asked.

"No, in a tent in the backyard," Sam replied, "Of course here, Lee-Lee."

"And you'll paint the living room purple?" I asked.

"I'll paint it whatever color you want. I'll even paint it neon pink if that's what you want."

"I want purple." I replied, "And I want the windows white. And I want a white picket fence."

"Anything else, milady?" Sam asked, raising an eyebrow.

"We'll have more furniture than the mattress?" I asked.

"I don't know, this has its own charm, don't you think?"

"Sam…" I said, glaring at the man – a hard feat, really, since all I really wanted was to laugh and kiss the man.

"Yes, we'll get furniture. So much furniture that you won't know what to do with it."

And so I did the one thing I could do: I jumped up and kissed the man.

"So I assume that's a no then?" he asked.

"Oh, you idiot," I laughed, "It's a yes." I whispered.

He picked me up and twirled me around. He was about to kiss me when he pulled back abruptly, "You're telling your parents."

"Why?" I asked, "You're…"

"I'm the one they blame for the fact that you've decided to take a gap year instead of going to college immediately. So you need to be the one who explains to them that you're moving out."

I sighed, "But then who will I blame?" I asked.

Sam just grinned broadly, "There's always Seth," he suggested as he finally kissed me.

"I almost forgot," Sam said, suddenly, "Do you want to see our room?"

"Our room?" I asked, a broad smile forming on my face.

"Our room," Sam confirmed, "Our house."

"Our future." I said, grinning.

"And I'll even paint the living room purple." He promised. And that was one of the promises he didn't break.

**9. Celebrating Loss**

I hesitated before the door for a long time. I couldn't bring myself to enter the house I shared with Sam. When I'd left in the morning I'd been so happy, so ready to start this new phase of our lives together and now that was all over.

I took a deep breath and finally dug out my key from my pocket. I was about to unlock the door when I noticed that it wasn't locked – Sam had come home early from work.

"Lee-Lee, is that you?" Sam shouted from the living room, "I'm in here."

"What are you doing home?" I shouted back as I took off my coat and slowly put it on its hanger – anything to buy time. To let Sam think, just for a moment longer, that everything was all right.

"It was a big day for both of us today, I figured we should celebrate."

I closed my eyes and did my best to steel myself for what was to come. And then I finally entered the living room. I studiously avoided looking at Sam and so I looked instead at the bottle of wine which was standing on the table. At the table cloth which Sam had, somehow, found hidden in one of the boxes. At the candles which he'd lit.

And then I had to look up at Sam – at the man I loved more than anything else in the world.

And Sam was grinning at me. And it wasn't his usual grin – it was that much brighter, that much happier than it usually did. It was the grin that spoke of a future together, "So, what did she say?" he asked.

I didn't say anything, I just stared helplessly at the bottle of wine and he smiled sheepishly as he followed my gaze, "I know, you probably shouldn't, with it not being good for the baby, but I read that a sip or two won't hurt anything…"

He trailed off when he saw my look. I know what I must have looked like then – stricken.

"I'm not pregnant, Sam." I said.

Sam's face fell for a moment but then he forced a fake grin to take the place of his previously so exhilarated one. "Oh," he said, "But the test…"

I shrugged and poured myself some wine, "I guess that means I get to drink," I said, grinning.

"Lee-Lee, stop it," Sam said, shaking his head.

"What?"

"Don't pretend that you aren't as disappointed as I am."

"It was bad timing, Sam, what would we have done with a baby now?"

"We would have loved it," Sam replied, taking my hands in mine, "It's okay to miss it."

I looked up at the man who was now kneeling before me, holding my hands when I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't keep this from him.

"There is something else, Sam," I added.

"What is it?" he asked, his warm brown eyes staring at me, probing my soul.

I pulled away, "Don't look at me like that," I said, "I can't think when you look at me like that. The doctor ran some tests."

"God, Lee-Lee, you're scaring me. Tell me what it is." Sam had gotten up and taken a step towards me.

"I can't have children," I said, quietly. It was barely louder than a whisper and yet I knew that Sam had heard me for he'd frozen mid-step.

"Oh, Leah," Sam sighed looking at me with sad eyes, "You had me seriously worried."

"This is serious." I rebuffed the man.

"Of course it is," Sam replied, nodding, "I know it is. But it is something we can deal with – together."

"Together?" I asked, blinking up at the man slowly, "Are you sure?"

Sam just grinned, "Of course I'm sure," he replied, "You do realize that I won't ever leave you, do you? No matter what you do or what happens, I'll stick with you."

"You promise?" I asked even as Sam enveloped me in a hug.

"I pinky promise," Sam said, pulling back and offering me his pinky.

I hooked my pinky into his and we shook. And somehow that little remained of our childhood and of the early days of our relationship made me feel better.

"You do realize what will happen if you ever break your promise, don't you?" I asked.

"As if I could ever break a most sacred promise like that," Sam replied, rolling his eyes.

As he pulled back he looked around the room and blew out the candles.

"What are you doing?" I asked, "You put so much effort into this."

Sam just smiled, "It's nothing. And today doesn't call for a celebration. It calls for comfort food."

"Ice cream?" I asked and I could feel something within me that had been broken by the doctor's declaration start to heal again.

"Ice cream," Sam confirmed, "And Popcorn and scary monster movies."

I just smiled. And that evening as I snuggled with Sam on the couch and watched yet another pretty girl as she was mauled by yet another monster I felt incredibly lucky to have someone like him in my life.

What had I ever done to deserve him?

"What?" Sam whispered, turning his attention away from the group of teenagers who were walking through the forest, investigating a sound.

"I'm just thinking how lucky I am to have you," I replied.

"Are you going to be okay?" Sam asked, pausing the movie, "I know that you always wanted a big family and we can still have that, you know that, right?"

"We?" I asked, grinning.

"Well of course. I pinky promised that I wouldn't go anywhere, didn't I? We'll have the whole deal – the white picket fence, two children, idyllic walks on the beach and Saturday barbeques."

"And I'll even cook dinner every day," I added, grinning into Sam's chest.

"You and cook, Lee-Lee?" Sam asked.

"Are you doubting me?"

"Never," Sam kissed the top of my head, "You know that I couldn't do that. It's just…well...I've never actually seen you cook."

"I make popcorn," I defended myself.

"In the microwave," Sam said and his laughter reverberated through his chest.

"All right, so I won't cook." I amended.

We were silent for a moment and Sam grabbed the remote control to start the movie again when he lowered it for a moment, "I hope you know that I was serious, Lee-Lee. I fully intend to live out my days with you."

"You're such a girl sometimes," I said, rolling my eyes, "Start the movie already."

Sam just laughed and pressed play. But I couldn't help but grin as he protectively wrapped an arm around my shoulder because I knew that I, too, wanted to spend my life with him.

I wanted that picket fence.

**10. Proposing**

I paused in the middle of my sentence to swat away Sam's hand which was slowly but surely making its way up under my shirt, "Stop it," I mouthed even as Em's concerned voice sounded through the phone.

_"You still there, Leah?" _She asked.

"Yeah," I replied, absentmindedly as Sam grinned at me cheekily and pulled me onto his lap.

_"So, about this summer…" _Emily started but I didn't really pay attention to her as Sam was kissing my neck.

"Hold on a sec, Em," I said, as I disentangled myself from Sam and sat down on the opposite side of the sofa, "Watch the movie, Sam." I said, glaring at the man.

Emily chuckled and I couldn't help but smile as I turned my attention back towards the conversation. "So, what was I saying?" I asked.

_"You were about to tell me that you can't come up this summer." _Emily replied, _"And I assume that the reason is the same reason it always was, isn't it?"_

I sighed, "No, it's my parents," I replied, "This time it has nothing to do with Sam. They are going up to Seattle and I have to watch Seth," I rolled my eyes, "I don't think they realize how old my brother is. He doesn't need a babysitter."

_"Your parents are going up to the city?" _Em asked, and I could hear that she was as surprised as I'd been.

"Tell me about it," I said, before turning my attention back towards Sam who was inching closer towards me until his hands found my sides again and he attempted to tickle me.

And so I threw him off the couch. "Ouch," Sam exclaimed.

"Oh, suck it up you big baby. You'll survive."

"Careful, Lee-Lee, that could be considered spousal abuse." Sam grinned at me.

"Nope," I shook my head as I held up my hand, "Spousal abuse requires us to be spouses. And, last I checked, we're not married. See, no ring." I grinned as I lowered my hand and returned to my phone call, "So, Em, won't you come down?"

Emily replied. I just wasn't paying attention because Sam looked at me and nodded, "Then maybe we should change that."

"What?" I asked as I finally hung up the phone, "Sam?" I asked.

"Marry me." He said.

"Marry you?" I asked, completely surprised.

"Yes," he nodded.

"No." I shook my head.

"Is it because I asked you while talking about spousal abuse? Is it because I didn't get you a ring? Because I do have a ring." He got up and dug through one of his drawers only to return with a silver band, "It was my mother's and my grandmother's before that." He said, showing it to me. There was a small wolf engraved on the inside of the ring and an inscription in a language I couldn't read.

"You…" I looked at the man, "No, that's not it. That was sort of completely us," I replied, "But are you sure? We're still so young."

Sam shrugged, "I know who I want," he said, "I know what I want. If you don't want me that's okay…I mean it would break my heart but I would understand."

I looked at him for a long moment before I nodded, "Okay."

"Does that mean you'll marry me?" Sam asked.

"No," I shook my head, "I can't marry you – not yet. Can't I say that I want to marry you someday?"

Sam looked up at me from his position on the floor and nodded though I could see he was disappointed.

"Sam?" I started, carefully, "I love you. I love you more than I love anything or anyone else. I can't imagine a life without you and I will marry you one day." I got up from my position on the sofa and sat down on the floor next to him.

Sam looked at me for a short moment, "Okay." He replied.

And then I smiled, "Let's go for a walk." I suggested.

He looked at me with hurt eyes but agreed nonetheless. And so we walked. I wouldn't come to regret that walk for a few months but when I finally understood what had happened that day I cursed my suggestion. I wished that we'd never gone on that walk.

But we did. We walked through the woods and came across Emmet Cullen. The other man probably mumbled a greeting but we didn't stop to talk. And I didn't think of the encounter again – at least not until a few months had passed.

How was I to know that a seemingly so innocent encounter could have such devastating effects?

We just made our way to the rock and sat down under the tree, looking out at the ocean which spread out before us.

And as we sat there, under our tree, our feet dangling over the edge of the cliff and our fingers intertwined I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I wanted to grow old with him and watch this crooked tree grow bigger each year.

So I grabbed his hand harder. "Ask me again," I whispered and for a moment I was worried that the wind had carried my voice away from him but then he turned towards me.

"Marry me?" he asked.

And I just nodded and cried and hugged him and let him slip the ring onto my finger.

That night as I went to bed I could see my entire life before me. I could see every happy detail.

And then, the following morning, Sam was gone. He had taken none of his clothes and there was no sign of struggle – only the door had few scratches on them as though a dog had tried to get out.

Sam remained gone for two weeks. Two weeks during which I didn't sleep a single wink. Two weeks during which the sheriff kept telling me that they were still looking and asking whether I was sure that Sam hadn't just run away.

**11. Watching**

I watched him sleep. Lately I found myself watching him more and more often.

I watched him as he ate. I watched him as he slept. I called him while he was at work. I called him when he was just a few minutes late. I went with him whenever he hung out with his friends.

I was becoming a clingy girlfriend – fiancée – and I hated it. And, what was even worse, Sam hated it. He was getting annoyed with me. I could hear it in his quiet sighs, could see it in his annoyed glances and could feel it in the way he had taken to sleeping with his back towards me instead of his arms wrapped tightly around me.

And still, I couldn't help it. I watched as his chest rose and fell, I watched as he thrashed a little.

"You know, I can feel you watching me," Sam said suddenly and I blushed.

"I'm sorry," I said and yet I didn't look away as Sam opened his eyes and blinked at me.

Sam didn't say anything, he just got up and pulled on his jogging pants over his boxers and made his way to the door.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"For a jog," he replied, "Is that all right with you?" his voice had a strange edge to it. And edge that I'd heard in his voice before, when he'd talked about his father or addressed Paul after he'd made a particularly lewd remark, but that had never been addressed at me.

"Sam?" I asked, and suddenly I felt like a little child, helpless and somewhat lost. Sam had been the one person I could rely on in the last couple of years after Emily had left and now he was pulling away from me. He disappeared without warning or explanation and when he came back he seemed to pretend that he'd never been gone.

"What is it, Leah?" he asked, sighing in annoyance as he put on his shoes and bent down to tie them.

"You don't have to marry me, you know." It wasn't the first time I'd thought it but it was the first time I said it, "You shouldn't marry me because you feel obligated to."

And the words had the effect that everything else I'd said didn't have. He looked up at me and for the first time since the night he'd proposed he saw me.

I think what he saw scared him a little. I'd lost weight and I didn't get enough sleep when I worried about Sam. And so I probably looked like I'd aged ten years in as many weeks. And of course the tears that were running down my cheeks probably didn't help my appearance.

Sam's eyes softened and suddenly he was my Sam again. He wasn't the Sam he'd become. He wasn't the distant stranger whose body temperature had somehow increased and who had grown nearly a foot in a couple of weeks. He wasn't the man who disappeared at all hours of the day without warning. He was my Sam again.

"Oh, Lee-Lee," he walked towards me, one of his shoe laces still untied.

"Be careful," I said, nodding at his shoe, "You'll fall."

"I'll fall for you," he said, smiling, "Again."

"That was very corny," I replied, but I returned the smile because I was relieved to have him back.

"I'm sorry, Lee-Lee," he said, "I have been dealing with some things…and I've been pulling away from you."

"Not only from me," I replied, "You've been pulling away from everyone. Even your mother was worried."

"She has no reason to be. And neither do you," Sam reached out and cupped my cheek, "I love you, Lee-Lee, and nothing will ever change that. And of course I still want to marry you."

"Then why can't we deal with whatever it is together? You promised me that you would never pull away from me again, remember?"

Sam looked at me for a moment before he shook his head, "I'm sorry. This has to do with the council of elders."

"So? I'll be on the council one day."

"You will be after your parents pass away. And then I'll tell you why I have to go for a run now."

I looked up at him critically and Sam just smiled a sad smile, "So, the question is, will you still marry me?"

I sighed, "Do I have a choice?" I asked, smiling broadly.

Sam didn't smile in return. He looked at me seriously and shook his head, "Of course you have a choice. I'll never make you do anything you don't want to do. I promise you this, no matter what happens I will always respect your choices."

"I know that, Sam," I smiled, "It's just I love you and I can't imagine a life without you. So I really don't have a choice. Of course I'll marry you, Sam Uley."

"Well, lucky for you, you don't have to imagine it." Sam's smile matched mine, radiating happiness in a manner that it hadn't for weeks now.

"When will you be back?" I asked.

"That depends," Sam shrugged.

"On what?"

"On Jake Black, if you'll believe it."

"Jacob Black hates you." I replied.

"He doesn't hate me," Sam said, getting up and quickly donning his jacket, "He doesn't know me and he doesn't understand me. He'll come around, you'll see."

I just shook my head, "I wouldn't be so sure."

Sam just smirked at me in a way that told me he knew something I didn't know. "Be careful out there," I said, instead of asking him what he knew. It was obvious that Sam wasn't going to tell me.

"I always am," Sam smiled, "And Lee-Lee, I really am sorry that I haven't really been there lately."

"It's okay," I said, reaching up to kiss him, "I love you. And I worry. So be safe and come back to me."

"Always," Sam said, smiling, "I promise."

And with that he was gone and I went to the window to watch him leave. He ran out the door and jogged towards the forest. He moved quickly and fluently and then the darkness swallowed him whole.

He came back a week later, his clothes torn and muddy, his body covered in dirt and blood – animal blood, he assured me – and smelling of musk and forest. But he kissed me and he looked at me and I was happy because I was sure that our happiness was ensured.

Because as long as he looked at me like that I knew that he loved me.

And he did. I know that he loved me, at least back then he did.

**12. Marrying**

"You can't honestly mean to go through with this," my father said, his voice rising. I had watched the argument for weeks now. The closer the wedding came the fiercer the fights between Sam and my father became.

And so an hour before my rehearsal dinner my father and my fiancé were shouting at each other underneath my window.

To make matters worse, my father was trying to keep Sam from marrying me and I didn't know why. I didn't understand how the man who had once been so supportive of our relationship, who had understood when I moved in with Sam, who had smiled and told my mother that it was my life when I told them that I wanted to take a gap year, how the man who had told me that Sam was like his own son, could act like this.

He'd even seemed happy when I'd announced the engagement. He'd been smiling and he'd hugged me tightly and whispered how happy he was for me even as my mother frowned slightly, obviously thinking that I was too young.

And then he'd called Charlie, the sheriff, to find Sam.

Shortly thereafter things had changed and my father had begun to watch Sam like a hawk and criticize him for the smallest things, trying to change my mind. When I'd told him, pointblank, that I loved Sam and that I would marry him he had nodded and told me that he knew.

He'd never brought it up again with me but now he was shouting at Sam under my window.

"I love Leah," Sam replied, his voice raised, too.

My father sighed, "I even believe you. You love her – now." My father hesitated for a moment before he continued, his voice far quieter and I had to strain my ears to eavesdrop, "And if you had been anything else you would probably have been very happy together. But we both know that you don't belong together."

"I don't know that." Sam replied, "Who says that I am not supposed to be with Leah?" Sam asked.

My father smiled sadly, "You'll know when you meet her," he replied, "End it now, Sam, before it hurts my daughter more than it already does. End it before it's too late."

Sam looked at my father and shook his head, "No, Sir." He replied, "I love Leah. I may not be able to tell her about…well, you know…" he paused for a moment before he sighed, "Do you think she'd want me to give up just like that if she knew? Don't you think your daughter would want to fight? Because that's what I'm doing. I'm fighting for us."

My father shook his head sadly, "No, Sam. If she knew she'd want you to leave."

"You underestimate your daughter." Sam replied, "Now if you'll excuse me I have a rehearsal dinner to attend and we both know that your daughter won't be happy if I'm late."

My father nodded, "Think about what I said. It's not too late." He hesitated for a moment before putting a hand on Sam's shoulder, "I love you like my son and nothing would have made me happier than you and my daughter, together happily. The both of you deserve it. But…" he hesitated, "If you hurt her…"

Sam nodded, "I won't, I promise."

I smiled brightly as I turned away from the window. If there was one thing I trusted it was Sam's promise. He'd never broken a promise to me.

Little was I to know that he'd break nearly all of them on that day.

But since I didn't know, I walked down the stairs with a broad grin and kissed Sam passionately.

"What was that for?" Sam asked, smiling as he wrapped an arm around my waist.

"Can't I kiss my husband?" I replied.

"You should wait until tomorrow to call me that," Sam replied.

"I'm just getting used to it."

"You'll have the rest of our lives to get used to it," Sam grinned, "Come on, I think everyone is waiting for the bride."

I nodded, "Well, come on then," I grinned and led Sam into the room.

The party was a blast. Until the speeches commences.

My mother went first, "I hadn't planned on giving a speech here. That was supposed to be Emily's job. After all, she is the maid of honor. However, due to unforeseen circumstances she has been delayed in Seattle and she won't be here for a few hours. She has, however, gracefully allowed me to make a speech in her stead." My mother hesitated for a moment before she smiled – though her smile, like my father's, was dimmer than it should have been.

And when she glanced at my father I knew that the two of them knew something. And so my mother began to talk about how I was a good child, how Sam and I complimented each other, how she wished us more happiness than there were fish in the sea and clouds in the sky.

After she was done, nearly every single other guest spoke. The only ones who curiously didn't speak were the elders of the council. I glanced from my mother to my father to Quil and all the other elders. They were all glaring at Sam. I frowned slightly and wondered whether, maybe, I should have asked Sam what was really going on earlier.

But he just smiled, oblivious. And then he got up and thanked everyone for coming.

"I feel like everything I could say would be inadequate after the toasts we've just heard. So I won't say much. I'll just say that Leah has been the most important person in my life since that one fateful bonfire. That first time we met I burned my marshmallow. The second time we met I got her grounded. So, our relationship was off to a good start." Sam grinned at me, "Without Leah I wouldn't be who I am today. I am so glad that she's agreed to spend the rest of her life with me. So we can plant trees together," My father choked at these words but I had to smile, "And watch our crooked tree grow each year."

He paused for a moment and his gaze was so full of love that it warmed me from the inside out and I was just about to get up and kiss him.

"Lee-Lee, I lo…" he trailed off and I blinked quickly, wondering what was going on. But Sam wasn't looking at me anymore. He was staring over my shoulder. I turned around to see what he was staring at only to see my cousin, Emily, my best friend since childhood staring right back at Sam.

And when I turned back towards Sam my heart nearly broke because I saw that the way he looked at Emily was the same way he'd looked at me just a moment earlier.

"Sam?" I croaked as I felt that my eyes were already brimming with tears.

Sam visibly shook himself and turned back towards me, "I'm sorry, Leah." He said, "I am so sorry."

And then he ran out of the room, past all of our guests who had come to see us get married.

Instead they watched as Sam fell for my cousin at first glance.

And they watched as my heart was broken into a thousand tiny shards.

When Sam came to explain that evening, I just shook my head, "I saw," I said.

"I'm sorry," Sam replied, "I am so incredibly sorry."

I didn't reply. For what was there to say? I couldn't forgive him.

"I'll pick up my things soon." I said.

"Are you all right?" Sam asked.

"Of course I'm not all right, Sam. You are the one who pursued me. You are the one who broke down my walls one by one and who left me vulnerable. You promised you'd always love me and spend the rest of your life with me." I paused to wipe the tears from my eyes, "You made me vulnerable and then you hurt me more than I thought anyone could ever hurt me. So no, I'm not okay. And I won't be okay soon either."

Sam looked at me in a strange way. It took me a second to realize that the love that used to be there was now replaced by pity. And that thought made me angry.

That was the moment when my love for Sam Uley changed. A part of me would always love him, a part of me would always want to reach out when he was hurt or sad and cuddle up to him when he was tired.

But a bigger part of me resented him for what he did to me. He made me someone to be pitied. I was Leah Clearwater and I was strong.

I decided in that moment that no one would ever look at me with pity again.

And so I glared at Sam. And the way he flinched back was somewhat gratifying, I have to admit.

**13. Hurting**

I didn't get out of my car. I couldn't. But then my phone rang again.

"Yes, I am here," I said before my mother had the chance to say anything else.

She started to lecture me anyways, "No matter what happens, she is still the same Emily you grew up with. She is still your cousin. She is still your best friend. And she needs you now. She's been attacked by a bear for heaven's sakes and you can't even support her?"

"She is the woman my fiancé left me for the day before the wedding," I replied.

"I know it's hard," my mother said, "Now get over it and get in here. They didn't mean to hurt you."

And so I finally turned off the motor and got out of the car. I locked the car before I made my way into the hospital.

Seth was already there and pulled me into a corner as soon as he saw me, "You shouldn't be here," he whispered.

"Of course I should be. Where else would I be? Emily's been hurt."

Seth sighed before he nodded, "She's in room 302." He said, "But…"

I waved off his concern, "I'll be fine, Seth." I said.

I wasn't. Because when I pushed open the door, Emily wasn't alone: Sam was sitting by her side, his big hands grasping her slender fingers in a death grip, "I'm so sorry," he whispered, "I'm so sorry."

I stood in the door for a while waiting for my presence to be noticed. But the two of them were so engrossed in each other that neither one of them glanced up so I cleared my throat. "Hello, Emily, hello, Sam," I smiled a painful smile.

Sam dropped Emily's hand as though he'd been burned and Emily turned her face towards me. I nearly gasped out loud. Her previously so beautiful face was now marred with a huge scar running right across her face.

I longed to reach out, to soothe her pain and to be there for her. But I couldn't. Because even as I looked at her I realized that things could never be the same between us again.

"What happened?" I asked and the steadiness of my voice surprised even me.

"There…there was a bear." Sam said without looking at me.

I frowned, "You're lying." I replied, "I know you, Sam, and you could never lie to me."

"There was a bear." Emily said, looking up at me with her big eyes, "It was no one's fault."

I looked at Emily and shook my head, "You don't have to tell me," I said, "But don't lie to me."

I turned around and was about to leave the room when Emily called me back, "Leah?" she asked, her voice soft.

And I couldn't help but turn around and face her. She was my cousin after all and she was in a hospital bed.

"Yes?" I asked, when she didn't say anything.

"I…I am seeing Sam." she said it quietly and the only reason why I understood what she was saying was because I had been expecting it. After all, I knew how amazing Sam was and if he'd pursued Emily in the same way that he'd made me fall for him how could I blame her for loving him, too?

But it still hurt because I knew then that she'd betrayed me. That she'd put his love about our friendship.

"I thought you should hear it from me," Emily said, "I am so sorry."

I didn't say anything and just nodded.

"Say something," Emily sat up in her bed and immediately Sam was by her side and propped up a pillow for her. I watched sadly as he supported her and as Emily leant against him, trusting him to support her.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked, "You were going to be my maid of honor," I reminded her, "You were my best friend. I could have forgiven anyone else. I could have understood it. But you…"

Emily nodded, "I understand," she said, "But I still love you, Leah. I still think of you as my best friend."

"Well, that's good for you," I replied, "Because I don't think of you as my friend anymore. As a matter of fact, you're not even family anymore. If we see each other around the reservation, do me a favor and walk the other way. If we bump into each other don't say hi to me or pretend that we're acquaintances who have lost touch. I want nothing to do with you," I glanced over at Sam, "Either of you. And I think you owe me that much."

Emily was about to argue but Sam stopped her with a gesture, "If that's really what you want."

"It is."

"Then we'll stay away," he said, "We promise."

I didn't say that I didn't trust his promises anymore. After all, he'd broken nearly every single promise he'd ever made me.

"But Lee-Lee…"

"Don't call me that," I hissed.

"Leah, then," he looked truly hurt and for a moment I wanted to forgive him but then Emily reached out and took his hand and that simple gesture made the hurt disappear, "Leah, if you ever need anything don't hesitate to come to us."

I scowled and just shook my head, "Just stay away from me. That's all I want from you."

I made my way out of the hospital without another backwards glance even though I could feel their eyes following me until I was out of their sight and got into my car.

And then I couldn't pretend that I was all right anymore and I broke down. I began to sob.

A moment later the door opened and someone took a seat on the passanger seat, "What don't you understand about leave me alone?" I asked, looking up and wiping my eyes. I'd expected Sam to be there but of course he wasn't. He was with Emily and he no longer cared that he'd hurt me.

Instead, my mother was sitting next to me, looking at me cautiously. "You'll be okay," she said, in such an assured manner that for a moment I was tempted to believe her.

"No," I said, glaring at her, "And what do you know about it anyways? You always had dad. So get out of the car and let me be."

My mother looked at me for a long moment, "It's not his fault, Leah. He didn't know."

I looked back at her in astonishment, "Are you protecting him?" I asked, "Are you justifying what he did to me?" I got out of the car and slammed the door behind myself, "I can't believe you," I shouted as she, too, got out of the car.

"Leah, listen to me…"

"No," I shook my head, "I'm done listening. I'm your daughter. You're supposed to love me unconditionally. You're supposed to be my mother and agree with me that he's an idiot, that I am worth loving…" I trailed off, "Instead you're protecting him. You're protecting Sam instead of me."

"You are worth loving, Leah. You're a good person and anyone would be…"

"Shut up," I shouted, "I don't want to hear it."

My mother came around the car and hugged me tightly, "I love you, Leah." She whispered, "And you will find the right man for you. It just wasn't Sam."

"Let me go," I whispered, struggling against her arms until, finally, I gave up and just collapsed into her arms, sobbing.

**14. Changing**

Something was going on. I had known it for a while but I had been blind to it because of everything that had been happening. First I'd been too happy to notice anyone else and then I'd been too heartbroken.

Now, I was slowly starting to pay attention to everything that was going on again and I noticed that my father seemed to have aged somewhat. And my mother was more and more cautious with him. She restricted his diet and she made him rest more and more.

Even Seth had noticed that something was wrong and so whenever something heavy had to be lifted, he did it. Whenever something stressful happened, my brother and my mother seemed to be shielding my father from it.

And I was the only one who hadn't noticed. So, one day when my mother was standing in the kitchen I sat down on the counter and watched her. After a long moment I finally spoke, "What is going on with dad?" I asked.

"Why would something be going on?" She asked, grabbing an onion and beginning to cut it into tiny pieces, "Could you set the table?"

"No," I shook my head, "Tell me, mom."

"Nothing is going on."

"You're lying," I replied, glaring at my mother, "What is going on? Don't you think I deserve to know?"

"It's nothing, Leah." She said, "Just set the table."

"Do you think I can't handle it?" I asked, "Do you think I'm too weak?"

"Leah, nothing is going on. Now, if you won't set the table I have to, so excuse me." She made her way out of the kitchen but I followed her into the living room where my father and my brother were watching football together.

"Mom…" I said, glaring at her, "tell me."

"What makes you think it has anything to do with you?" she asked, "Don't you think if we wanted you to know we'd have told you?"

"No," I replied, glaring at her, "Ever since my rehearsal dinner you've been walking on eggshells around me. Tell me. I can handle it."

"No, you can't. You've been having mood swings, Leah, and you've become unpredictable. I don't recognize my daughter anymore."

"But you recognize Sam, don't you? I've seen you talk to him and I've heard you on the phone."

"So now you're forbidding me to talk to Sam? He was a part of this family, Leah." She looked at me crossly, "Just like Emily still is. Why can't you just be happy for them?"

Something in that statement made me angry. It made something snap and suddenly the room was out of focus and I was seizing on the floor. My parents were standing there, staring at me.

"Do something," My brother screamed, "Do something!" but they didn't move, they just stared at me with wide eyes.

And then my father clutched his chest and doubled over. My mother ran towards the phone, "I have to call an ambulance," she said, but her voice was strangely far away.

"No," my father rasped out, "No. How will you explain Leah?" he asked.

"But…" my mother's voice trailed off and suddenly I felt as though I was somewhere else. I was still in the living room but it looked different than before. And it smelled different, too.

I could see that Seth was suddenly seizing, too, and that my mother was kneeling over my father, holding his hand and whispering something. I tried to get towards them and tried to get up but suddenly it seemed to me that I had paws instead of hands and feet.

And as I looked at my paws with a strange fascination and the certainty that I had finally snapped and was going completely crazy, I heard someone in my head.

Someone whose voice I would recognize anywhere. The only question was how did it get into my head? I took it as further proof of my insanity.

Then my mother shouted out in grief and I slowly made my way over to my father who had collapsed before the couch. I walked over and touched his body with my paw. I pushed him, pleading for him to move. To say something. But he didn't.

And my mother was still holding his hand but she'd stopped whispering. Now she was crying. My brother was still seizing on the floor. And I couldn't take it anymore, I ran out the back door and into the forest.

_Maybe_, I thought _It would be best if I did go crazy. Maybe then I'd be happy again._

And then, Sam's thoughts were in my head again, _You're not crazy, Lee-Lee._

I didn't bother responding to my imaginary Sam's thoughts. I instead I just continued to run. I ran until I couldn't run anymore and then I collapsed under a tree. I curled up and tried to go to sleep but that day's occurrences wouldn't let me calm myself enough.

Suddenly, a wolf was standing over me, _Leah_ the wolf seemed to think, _You've had us all worried._

_Sam?_ I asked, _What…_ I couldn't formulate my thoughts but Sam understood them anyways.

_Remember the stories of the cold ones?_ He asked, as though I could ever forget, _Well, it turns out that they're true._

_So I'm?_ I asked.

_A werewolf, yes._ Sam – or the wolf that Sam seemed to turn into confirmed.

_And you've been one since…_

_Since the night I proposed. We met a cold one on our walk, remember?_

Suddenly, I could see the pictures in my head. The memory of Sam proposing, of sitting under our tree, of walking through the woods. But they weren't my memories – they were Sam's. My eyes widened and I glanced up at Sam.

_I am sorry_, Sam thought _Normally I have better control over my thoughts. I just never expected you to turn._

_I could see your memories._ I thought, completely flabbergasted.

_Our thoughts are linked. _Sam looked at me.

_So you can see everything I think of? _I asked, thinking of things I didn't want him to know about me. About how much he'd hurt me. About how I'd cried myself to sleep for weeks. About how much I still loved him.

_I am sorry _Sam thought and I realized that by thinking about it I'd shared it all with him.

_How do I turn back?_ I asked _How do I stop this?_

_Think about calming yourself,_ Sam thought, _Think about something peaceful. I find that works for me. Or just fall asleep._

_Okay,_ I thought, trying my hardest not to catch the glimpses of Sam's thoughts that made him feel peaceful. And yet I saw Emily, lying on the sofa and smiling at him. I saw Emily baking in our kitchen. I saw Emily kissing him after he came back from a run.

But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that I could feel his emotions, too. And I knew that he loved her, he truly did. Until that moment I hadn't wanted to believe it but now it seemed that I had no choice.

_What are you doing?_ I thought when I saw that the wolf was turning its back on me.

_When you turn you'll be naked, _Sam replied, _I'm giving you some privacy._

_Don't bother, you've seen it all before,_ I said, and unbidden our moments of passion sprang to my mind.

And then I could hear a wolf whistle in the back of my mind and I glanced a the wolf before me.

_That's the rest of the pack,_ Sam explained, _I told them to remain away but it seems that Paul shifted._

_So they can hear my thoughts, too? _ I asked, _Every thought?_

I didn't need Sam to confirm it as I saw into Paul's thoughts at that moment. And Jake's. And Embry's. And even Seth's.

This wouldn't work, I decided. And so I calmed myself enough to shift back. A moment later, Sam was standing before me in his human form, too.

"That was quick," he said, "It took me two weeks to shift back."

I nodded, "Where are we?" I asked, trying not to notice that both of us were completely naked.

"Not far from the reservation. You ran in circles."

"I need to get home," I said, "Something happened to my dad."

Sam looked at me for a long moment, "Leah…" he said, hesitantly, "He didn't make it. By the time the ambulance was there…"

I looked up at Sam cautiously and the man sighed, "His heart gave out when you shifted instead of your brother."

And then I collapsed in the middle of the forest and Sam hugged me. He did his best to comfort me and it worked. As I breathed in the familiar smell of Sam I could imagine that the last few months hadn't happened.

But all too soon he pulled back, "We should get going." He said.

And when he looked at me with those eyes that once seemed to worship the ground I walked on and that always sparkled when they looked at me I was painfully reminded that the last few months had happened.

And so I followed Sam out of the forest and back into my life.

**15. Pack Living**

I didn't cry at my father's funeral. I'd spent all of my tears already by that point. Seth, however, was shaking next to me as sobs wracked his body. I put an arm on his shoulder trying to calm him. For a moment I thought he'd push me away but then he just continued to cry.

My mother was standing on my other side, leaning heavily on Charlie the sheriff. Even his eyes were slightly wet but I still couldn't bring myself to cry.

I didn't speak either when people shared their memories of him. How could I when his death was my fault? If only I hadn't lost my temper when I'd known that something was wrong.

And so I found myself locked up in my room and unwilling to come out again until Sam entered the room. Then I wanted nothing more than to get away from there.

"Are you okay, Leah?" he asked before he shook his head, "Of course you're not. Your father just died."

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I was worried about you," Sam said, "And we should talk."

"I don't want to talk to you, Sam. Leave, please. You promised, remember?"

"I would have never approached you if I didn't have to, Leah. But things have changed. You're a part of my pack now and as such you have duties."

"Your pack?" I asked.

"Yes, my pack. I am the alpha."

"I don't care," I replied, "I just lost my father because I shifted. I will never shift again."

"You will shift again," Sam replied, "I can guarantee that."

"Not if I keep my emotions under control," I replied, "So get out of here and leave me alone," I shouted the last past causing Sam to smirk.

"That's you keeping your emotions in check?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

I just closed my eyes briefly unable to look at Sam when he smirked like that. He was teasing me again just like he'd done in the early days of our relationship and I didn't know how to respond to that.

"Leave, Sam," I said, suddenly quiet.

"There are things you need to know before I do," he replied, "We turned because there are cold ones about. Cold ones that are threatening our way of life." He paused for a moment, "We are patrolling our borders to ensure that they don't break the treaty."

"The treaty?" I asked despite myself. After all, I wanted nothing to do with this.

"We leave them alone as long as they stay on their side of the border." Sam explained, "And I need you to patrol, too."

"No," I shook my head, "I told you, I won't shift again."

"Leah, you have to." Sam looked at me strangely, "The pack needs you. We need as many wolves as we can get."

"No," I looked at Sam, "I will not let anyone into my mind."

He looked at me in a gentle manner, "Leah, you don't have a choice. If you don't do it of your own accord I have ways of making you."

I stared at Sam for a long moment. How had it come to this, I wondered, even as the tears that I couldn't cry during my father's funeral shot into my eyes, "You once promised me that you would never make me do something I didn't want to do. You promised me that you'd respect me. I should have expected it, after all that's one of the last promises you hadn't broken."

Sam looked somewhat taken aback but I just continued, "You've broken nearly every single promise you've ever made me. So why should this promise be any different?"

"I am so sorry," Sam said.

"Lately that's all you can say, isn't it? You can't explain anything you do you just do it. And then you say how sorry you are." I scoffed, "Well, Sam Uley, I hate to break it to you but I don't care how sorry you are."

"But I can," Sam said, suddenly looking up at me, "I can explain. You're a part of the pack now."

I looked at him for a long moment before I nodded, "So, explain." I said.

"I imprinted on Emily." Sam said.

"You what?" I asked.

"It's well, the way we find our soul mates. It's not unlike falling in love at first glance excepts it's more. It's as though every other relationship you've ever had becomes unimportant. Only that one person matters anymore. And I am so sorry it happened that way. I just didn't believe that it would be that strong. I couldn't look away, Leah. I just couldn't move or do anything else. My entire existence became centered on making her happy."

I took a seat on my bed and looked up at him, "And what about me?" I asked, "Didn't you love me at all?"

"I loved you more than I loved anyone else," he replied, "I really, truly wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. But then I saw Emily and…" he trailed off, "I am so incredibly sorry."

"It makes it better, somehow, that you couldn't help it. That you really did love me, just not as much as Emily. And if it had to be anyone else…well, I'm glad it was Emily. She deserves someone like you." I took a deep breath, "But it makes it worse, too. What did I do that our ancestors or whoever it is that controls imprinting didn't think that I am worthy of you?" I hesitated, "And while I can forgive you I can't stop loving you. So don't ask me to. And don't ask me to join your pack, Sam, because I can't bear hear about your happiness. I can't hear about how you painted the living room purple because that's Em's favorite color, too. I can't bear hear about how happy you are with her when I am so alone."

Sam blinked slowly, "And I can't bear your pity, Sam. I really can't. So let me be harsh. Let me build up my walls again. Because if I don't then I don't think I can function."

"I really am sorry, Leah, but there is no other way. You have to shift. You are a part of the pack now. If there was any other way…"

I nodded and glared at him for a moment before I looked down at my hands. Maybe there was a way to get around it. If I just didn't think about the things that I didn't want the others to know. If I just thought of something else.

And then I knew how I could do it and so I just smirked and nodded, "Very well, Sam, I'll patrol with you."

**16. Running**

I thought of Embry and how he was Sam's half brother. I thought of Emily and how she'd looked, lying there in that hospital bed. I thought of Isabella Swan and how she'd rejected Jake again and again. I thought of Sam's father, and how he'd died. I thought of Sam's confession that he didn't miss his father.

I thought of everything that I knew would hurt the others as we ran together, our nose to the ground. Because I knew that if I didn't think of these things then I would think of things that I didn't want the others to see.

And I knew that they didn't like me. That they resented that I was part of the pack because I kept dredging up things that no one wanted to think of.

It was better now, though. Before Seth had started to run with us I'd spent the better part of the run torturing Sam with the promises he'd made me and with memories of the two of us though, through some miracle, I managed to keep a tight lid on my emotions.

I missed the privacy of my own mind and so I kept them periods when I remained transformed as short as humanly possible.

The others complained about me to Sam but he never approached me. He knew why I was doing what I was doing. He understood that I was just trying to protect myself. He didn't like it but he understood it. And so I was left in peace.

I could have liked being a wolf if it wasn't for the intrusion on my mind. I liked running, I liked the smells and I enjoyed that I was faster than the rest of the pack. And so it was me who smelled it first. And I froze in my tracks, smelling it again just to make sure that I hadn't made a mistake.

_Vampire_, Sam thought with loathing as he smelled it through our connection.

_Vampire,_ the others echoed his thought.

I bent my head down again to smell it again. Yes, there was no doubt about it, a vampire, a cold one, had crossed the boundary.

_It's not a Cullen, _Jake was suddenly next to me, his nose on the ground.

_How would you know? _Sam returned, unable or maybe unwilling to keep the venom out of his thoughts.

_They aren't here. And anyways, I know their smell._ He looked at Sam, _This is someone else._

Sam suddenly stood on my right, his shoulder touching mine as he tried to identify the smell.

_Paul, Seth, track the scent. The rest of you, pack meeting at my place._ He turned around and ran off before I realized that his place was where we'd lived together. For a moment I let some of my hurt bleed into my thoughts, causing Jake to look at me strangely before I managed to think of something hurtful again. And as always, thinking of Bella made Jake glare at me.

_Harpy,_ he thought at me and then he ran off, after Sam.

I regretted it, for a split second. After all, Jake could have understood me. He was going through something similar with Bella after all.

But then I shook my fur and ran after them, back towards the village.

I took my time getting showered and dressed. Longer than I really needed because I dreaded going back to the house. I had been happiest there, after all, back when I'd lived there with Sam. It was the house I was going to raise our children in. It was the house I was going to grow old in.

And I hadn't been back since the day of my rehearsal dinner. I hadn't even been back to collect my things – I had sent Seth to get them because I couldn't face them.

I walked down the familiar road slowly, looking at the house I had once lived in. The house that was now occupied by Emily and Sam. And you could see it just by looking at it. The garden was full with flower pots that Emily had always loved. The weeds that used to grow between the stepping stones had been replaced by grass and the leaves were raked away.

The windows were incredibly clean and every single one had curtains. There were dream catchers hanging in the windows and the door had a new coat of paint.

It was the same house I had lived in but somehow Emily had made it her own in the few months she'd spent there.

That was clear before I'd even opened the gate and entered the garden. The gate was freshly oiled and didn't creak anymore – it seemed as though Sam had somehow finally gotten around to it. He'd probably done it while Emily worked in the garden, planting her flowers and weeding her garden.

I didn't have to knock on the door, as Emily pulled it open and smiled brightly when she saw me, "I am so glad you could make it," she said as though I'd come to visit her. As though I'd come here on my own accord or because I wanted to see Emily.

My thoughts must have shown because Emily's face fell, "Come in," she said, stepping aside.

The first thing as I entered was the smell. Emily was baking something and the whole house was filled with the sweet smell of apple pie. "Your favorite," she said, looking at me with pleading eyes.

But I just turned my attention to the window sill where we'd kept the pictures of Sam and me. They were all gone – all save one. The one his mother had taken on our first date. We were curled together on the sofa and Sam was smiling at me even in his sleep.

Other than that, there were no traces of me in the living room. The sofa was a different one, in soft tones and somehow matching the purple walls. The walls that I had wanted but that we'd never gotten around to painting. There was a flower vase in the middle of the table and a carpet on the floor. There were pictures on the wall and bookshelves.

Somehow Emily had done in a couple of months what I hadn't been able to do in the years I'd lived there: she'd turned the house homely. I didn't need to enter the kitchen to know she'd done the same there. The stains on the stove were probably gone now, and the microwave had probably been banished to the back of a shelf.

I almost couldn't take it anymore when Sam came down the stairs, out of the room we'd shared, dressed in a pair of slacks that I'd bought him once. And his eyes drifted towards Emily, first. He stepped towards her and she stepped backwards into his arms. His arms enveloped her and he whispered something into her ear, causing her to giggle as he kissed the top of her head.

I had to forcefully tear my eyes away and looked at Jake who was sitting there, watching me. "What are you looking at?" I hissed as I took a seat next to him.

Jake just shook his head and turned his attention back towards Sam who had let go of Emily and sat down.

As he began to talk, I absentmindedly played with the ring around my neck. I took comfort in the familiar shape of the ring. And then Sam caught me and the look in his face said that he knew. He knew that I was still wearing his engagement ring.

And so I colored and put the ring back under my shirt, trying to hide what was obvious to everyone anyways. I lowered my face, trying to hide my pain.

I didn't fool anyone. When I looked back up, even Paul wasn't looking at me with his usual dislike but with a strange pity. A pity that I couldn't bear.

And so I stood up. "I can't do this," I said, looking at a crestfallen Emily, "I'm sorry," I said, as I ran out. And because I was the fastest runner, no one caught me. Though I honestly am not sure if anyone even tried.

**17. Growing**

"I don't want to imprint," Jacob said, unable to meet my eyes.

"Why not?" I asked, confused, "Don't you want to get over Bella?"

"I don't want to forget the way I feel about her. I mean, take Sam…he loved you. We all knew that the two of you, you were the real deal. The once in a lifetime love that would last forever. And then he imprinted and he forgot all about you…" he trailed off when he realized what he'd said and his apologetic face made me smile a little.

"I know," I said, "I've stopped pretending that things are different than they are. How can I, when I used to hear his thoughts all the time?" I asked, smiling a sad smile.

"I don't want to imprint because I don't want to forget what Bella means to me. Sam thought he could fight it – I know that I can't."

I smiled a sad smile and nodded, "But wouldn't it be easier if you imprinted?" I asked, "You would no longer keep looking at Bella like you do, it wouldn't hurt that much whenever he hugs and kisses her. It wouldn't hurt when they whisper together, or when they share a glance that tells you how much they love each other." I smiled a sardonic smile, "If I could, I'd imprint this instant. I'd even welcome one of the wolves imprint on me."

"Even me?" Jake asked, a strange grin playing with his features.

"Even you," I agreed.

"Believe it or not, I think we'd be good together," Jake said, suddenly smiling at me, "I'd like being your imprint, I think."

"Even though I'm a harpy?" I asked.

"Because you're a harpy. You'd keep my head screwed on straight."

I grinned, "Well, it's too bad then, isn't it?" I asked.

Jake looked at me with a calculating gaze before he shook his head, "Okay, Leah, I'm going to do something now. And I don't want you to kill me, promise?"

"You're my alpha," I replied, even as he inched closer towards me and then, suddenly, his lips were on mine. For a moment I let myself enjoy the kiss. I was desperate for some intimacy.

And then I pulled back, "What are you doing?" I asked, "You're in love with Bella."

"And you're in love with Sam," Jake replied, "Can't we be in alone in love together?"

"No," I shook my head, "I don't want to be alone anymore," I got up, "I'm sorry, Jake."

Jacob just smiled and left me sitting there, alone. We never spoke of the incident again and a week later he imprinted on Bella's daughter.

And I had to watch as the only person who could understand me was taken from me. Everyone around me was finding love – even my mother was moving on.

"It wasn't your fault," she said, one night as we were watching a movie together. She muted the growling monster and turned towards me, "It wasn't your fault. If it was anyone's fault, it was mine and your father's."

"I'm the one who caused his heart attack," I contradicted my mother, "I am the one who…"

"You were the one who didn't know," my mother interrupted me, "And I am the one who made you angry and for that I am sorry. What I said was insensitive."

"But you were right. I love Sam and I love Emily. I should be happy for them." I looked at my mother, "And I am happy for you and Charlie."

And it was hard, being happy for Emily and Sam. But I tried my best. It started with small things – I found that I didn't have to turn the other way when I saw them walk down the road, hand in hand. And then I could even look at them without this painful constriction in my chest that made it hard to breathe.

One day I was watching seals play and I surprised myself by laughing out loud at the antics of one of the baby animals. From that day onwards I caught myself smile and laugh and even joke. Granted, it was only with people I was comfortable around but it was an improvement.

And then, one day, I greeted Emily on the street. I didn't even notice until after I had already nodded at her and said, "Hi," as I passed her.

But that day I knew that I was getting over the heartbreak I'd endured. And I hadn't needed Jake to help me. I hadn't needed to imprint on someone else. I hadn't needed to be hateful or spiteful. I hadn't needed to hate Sam for it.

All I had needed to do was let myself mourn my loss and then decide to move on.

The first person who noticed the difference was Emily. She joined me at my table in the diner one evening and smiled at me cautiously, "Hello, Leah."

"Emily," I nodded at her and then a small smile fought its way onto my face. And Emily's smile brightened considerably.

"How have you been?" Emily asked, before shaking her head, "I'm sorry, that was a stupid question."

"I wasn't great," I replied, shrugging, "I'm getting better."

Emily nodded, "I know you don't want to hear this but I truly am sorry."

"But if you could undo it, you wouldn't," I said, looking at Emily with a soft smile.

She looked at me for a long time before she shook her head, "No, I wouldn't."

"Then you're not sorry."

"I am sorry you got hurt."

I just nodded, "And that's the way it's supposed to be."

"No, it's not," Emily shook her head, "We were supposed to be best friends forever. You were supposed to marry Sam and I was supposed to be your maid of honor. And now I am marrying him and you…you're…"

"I'll be your maid of honor," I finished for her.

"Really?" Emily asked and her eyes were sparkling.

"Yes, really. Unless you already asked someone else."

"No, I haven't. After all, whenever I planned my wedding you were a part of it."

I smiled and grabbed her hand tightly, "There's one more thing, Em…"

She smiled at my use of her old nickname, "You're leaving, aren't you?" she asked. And I was astonished that she knew me so well. That she understood me without words even after we hadn't spoken in months.

"There's nothing here for me anymore." I replied, "Nothing."

"What about your imprint?" Emily asked, "He's probably around here, somewhere. At one of the reservations."

"Oh, Emily, I won't ever imprint on anyone. Imprinting is to ensure that our children are the strongest wolves they can be. And I can never have children. So what is the point of imprinting? I wish I would imprint or that someone would imprint on me…but that won't happen."

Emily looked at me in a stricken way, "That's why Sam didn't imprint on you, isn't it?" she asked, "Oh, Leah…"

"I think so," I said, looking up at her, "Or, rather, I try not to think of it."

"It should have been you," Emily said, tears suddenly forming in her eyes, "Am I a terrible person for being a little glad that you can't have children?"

"A little bit," I replied and laughed at the look on Emily's face, "What?" I asked, "I'm just being honest."

Emily smiled at me, "Things won't ever be the way they were before again, will they?" she asked.

"If you're expecting me to start giggling with you and to tell you about my current crush, then no. They won't." I replied.

"Emily would never expect that," Sam replied as he entered and slid into the seat next to Emily, "You're Leah Clearwater and you don't giggle like a school girl."

I smiled brightly as he kept the first promise he'd ever made me. Maybe, I thought, just maybe things would work out. I glanced at his pinky which was now interlaced with Emily's hand but which had once been hooked to my finger, making the promise he was honoring even now.

I glanced up at Sam's face, but he hadn't even realized what had happened. He hadn't realized that he'd kept the first promise, that he'd salvaged the beginnings of a friendship between the three of us. He was too busy loving Emily and grinning at her to notice that I, too, was smiling broadly.

**18. Endings**

The tree was gone.

And the worst thing was that, for the longest time, I hadn't even noticed. One day I walked along the beach and looked upwards and the tree was gone.

For a moment I let myself feel sad. I regretted that the tree had not taken root the way it should have, that despite all the years it had grown there it had not taken root properly. One storm – though, admittedly a strong one – had uprooted our tree.

Suddenly, a man was standing behind me and placed a hand on my shoulder, "It's sad, isn't it?" he asked.

"Yes," I agreed, turning around to face him, "But it's the way of the world."

Sam smiled, "You're okay now, aren't you?" he asked.

"I am," I agreed.

And, as I said it, I realized that it wasn't even a lie. I was truly okay. I could look at Sam without feeling hurt. I could watch him hug Em without thinking that it should have been me.

And, who knows, maybe one day I would have another Sam in my life.

Somehow, I doubted it. Because everyone gets only one great love. And mine was Sam. And it was great while it lasted.

"It was good, though, wasn't it?" I asked as I pulled out the chain which I wore around my neck. The engagement ring dangled there, before us, and I smiled.

"It was amazing," Sam corrected me.

"Here, this is yours." I said, handing the chain to Sam. The ring glinted in the sun as Sam took it cautiously.

Sam shook his head, "No. I gave it to you." He tried to hand it back to me but I wouldn't take it.

"Now you should give it to Emily." I looked at my feet, "I really do want you to be happy."

Sam looked at me for a moment, searching for something. He must have found it because he put the chain around his neck, "Thank you, Leah."

"Just don't hurt her, you hear?" I smiled a sad smile at him.

"I couldn't even if I tried." Sam replied.

"I know," and the statement didn't cause me pain. I really did want them to be happy together.

"I really am sorry," Sam said, "I know that words can't…"

"Then stop apologizing. You're happy, aren't you? So why apologize for that?"

"And what about you?" Sam asked, "How can I be happy when I know that I hurt you and took away your shot at happiness to get where I am?"

"You really think that you were my only shot at happiness?" I grinned, "I'm still young, Sam. I have years ahead of me."

Sam nodded and looked at me for a long moment, "In a different life we would have been happy together. Our tree would have stood there for years. We would have been perfect together. Everyone would have looked at us when we approached and known that we were meant to be together. The stuff that fairytales are made off."

I laughed, "Oh, Sam, you always were a romantic." I shook my head, "I don't think we would have worked out. I was too needy. I needed you to tell me, again and again, that you loved me and that you wouldn't leave me. I felt, from the beginning, that our time was limited."

Sam looked at me for a moment before he nodded, acknowledging the truth in my statement, "For what it's worth, I loved you. You had no reason to be insecure."

"Except I did," I replied, smiling and Sam nodded.

"So…" I trailed off, "One last jump off the cliff for old time's sakes?" I asked.

Sam nodded and as we stood there next to each other his hand found its way into mine.

And together we jumped. And it was almost like that first summer again. We were so light and I couldn't help but shriek happily as we hit the water and went under.

I opened my eyes and watched as Sam began to paddle quickly, upwards, towards the surface. Sometime during the jump he'd let go of my hand and he'd already drifted away a few meters by the time I surfaced.

And it didn't matter. I'd needed him before, to jump. I'd needed him to help me start off but I no longer needed him.

"I'm going to leave." I said, as we drifted on our backs, side by side.

"I know." Sam replied.

"I won't be back."

"I know." Sam repeated.

"I…" I trailed off.

"I know," Sam closed his eyes briefly, "I love you, too."

I smiled sadly, "Not as much as you used to. Not as much as you love Emily."

"I really am sorry you were hurt, Lee-Lee." Sam said, "And I am sorry that I broke nearly every single promise I ever made."

"You never told anyone that I giggled like a school girl, did you?" I asked, "So you've kept the first promise you ever made me. And now you'll also keep the last promise you'll ever make me: be happy, Sam."

Sam looked at me in a strange manner.

"Well?" I asked, holding up my pinky for him to shake, "What are you waiting for, Sam? Promise me already."

"I promise," he said, interlinking his pinky with mine and shaking it.

"I wish things had been different," Sam said, "I wish you didn't have to leave."

I grinned, "It's the way it's supposed to be. Goodbye, Sam Uley."

Sam didn't say anything as I made my way out of the water but I could feel his eyes on me was walked away. And I imagined that he whispered "Stay in touch, Lee-Lee Clearwater," after me but that might have been the wind playing tricks on me.

I turned around one last time and waved at him. He grinned back his typical grin. And then I saw Emily make her way down the beach towards Sam and I realized that he wasn't grinning at me.

And that was the way it was supposed to be.


End file.
